My United States of Whatever

Before I begin, congratulations to the New York Giants for blowing up the death star, particularly Hillsborough’s and Rutgers’ own Shaun O’Hara.  I almost put $200 on the G-men to cover the 12-point spread, but almost doesn’t count in gambling.  Lesson learned: Gamble more.

Still before I begin, but after having congratulated the NY Football Giants… it’s FREE TRAIN WEEK again!  Print out the following coupon and bring your student ID to ride any NJTransit bus, train, or light rail all week long.  Hit me up if you’re going somewhere fun.

Suggested listening: Saigon – C’mon baby

So, my boy Edwards dropped out of the race last week after running a solid campaign.  Hopefully, he will be the next Vice President.  But, it’s time for me to pick a new racehorse and I’m proud to say that I’m throwing my support behind Barack Obama in the Democratic primary and Ron Paul in the Republican primary.

Vote on Tuesday if you are registered!  You do NOT need to be a Republican or Democrat.  Click here to find your polling place.

If you’re undecided, watch the first-ever mano y womano debate in history.

Here’s a little context:

The past two Republicans we elected President were wealthy oil barons who both coincidentally invaded one of the most oil-rich nations in the Middle East without provocation and lied to the American people (Read my lips).  Oh, and they were both named George Bush.  I only need one word to concretely define the latter Bush’s approach to issues concerning average American people: Katrina.  Their approach to healthcare takes two: Walter and Reed.

This is the Democrats year if there ever was one.  Plus the Republicans seem like a bunch of old white weirdos, one of whom is named “Mitt.”  So, with only two Democrats left in the race, New Jersey will help decide which of them likely becomes the next POTUS on Super Dooper Tuesday.New Jersey’s legislature did something smart for this election and it moved up New Jersey’s primary from next-to-last to like top 10… but then a shit ton of other states copied off us cuz we the best and you know it.My money’s on Barack Obama.  I’ve learned my lesson from the Super Bowl and will place a wager on my racehorse.Corey Booker, Ted Kennedy, and now, finally, Charlie Kay comes out in support of the next black president of the USA.

Barack is the man.  Because he is a man.  No offense, but a woman candidate actually has less chance than a black guy, especially this one.  And that’s what it’s all about; which horse is going to win the race.  I have principles, but there’s only two people left for the Dems and I’m scared of another 4 years of Republicans… we have to win!  I’m especially afraid if John McCain wins the nomination; people like him.

Hillary cannot help but run on her husband’s less than perfect record.  Plus, are we really going to go with this…

41) Bush (4 yrs.)

42) Clinton (8)

43) Bush (8)

44) Clinton (?)

Wtf?  Aren’t there any other families in this country?  Can’t people see we’re just going in circles politically as a country?  Two families have been running the country since I was seven years old.  Let’s give someone else a chance.

I think voting is all we have left to help get out of this crisis.  There’s some other things we can accomplish with it.  We can change the Constitution and eliminate the electoral college or improve the mentally-challenged primary and caucus system.  We can decriminalize bud, just like we did away with the broken system of alcohol prohibition.  We can make America a leader in the world once again.

Anyway,  Obama will lead us to the promise land.  And he might even help decriminalize bud.  Plus it will be like the whole country has an annoying girlfriend for four years if Hillary is tha prez.

Please vote on Tuesday.

(Disclaimer: I’m not a Democrat, but I’m liberal and proud.  After I vote for Barry on Tuesday, I’ll walk straight to the County Courthouse and go back to being a registered independent.  If you are a registered Republican, a vote for Ron Paul is the only honest vote for true conservative principles.  And civil liberties ain’t bad either.)

P.S. Edwards, you’re still my homie.  Holla back Kucinich, Gravel, Ronny Paul, Stephen Colbert, and all you other unelectable nutjobs!  There’s still VP to fight for.

Oh, and lastly, this is MY United States of Whatever: